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April 30, 2015 / austreberto

feathered steps (day thirty)

feathered steps

here we are again

at the crossroads within the crossroads of your decisions to make
most of which you are unsure of

in fact
the only thing you are sure of these days is how unsure you are of everything

would leave it up to the winds to carry you but there hasn’t been a breeze in years
but it’s really only been days

feels longer than that
feels longer when nothing happens
but nothing never not happens

you stood there in silence knowing both paths could lead you to greatness and failure at the same time
unsure of which one to take first
if it would be your last
but it would never be your last

another thing you were sure about was your stubbornness
that you would never stop trying

today marks the thousandth mistake you’ve made this year
and it’s only february

dropped a penny in a bottle each time it happened
and you ran out of bottles

bought yourself something to remind yourself you can have nice things and keep them too

your hands
tremble every time you come to decisions like this

you pointed
shaken
to the direction you wanted to go
but the winds picked up
and had something else in mind for you
as you became sure of something new
that you would be okay no matter where you went
pennies in bottles with every step you would take

spare change never felt so heavy after nearly thirty years of decisions
of mistakes
but you stopped noticing a long time ago

light footed

April 29, 2015 / austreberto

find a feeling (day twenty nine)

find a feeling

hold onto it
close

only let go if that feeling goes away

find a new one
hold onto it again
even closer

let it breathe

hold it tighter on the days you need it most

find a person who gives you that feeling

who won’t let go
who won’t give up
who lets you breathe
who holds you back because you give them the same feeling

some call it passion
others call it magic

whatever it is
it almost feels like heaven

April 28, 2015 / austreberto

when your fist connected with my jaw i knew i would never forget you (day twenty eight)

when your fist connected with my jaw i knew i would never forget you

they say that we have more similarities than differences

you make that hard to believe on most days

once
we almost spoke the same language of hammer fists
to see who would swing harder
who would break first

you won

similarity number one

i wanted to stop counting after that because i was afraid of what else i would learn about myself with how far you would push me

don’t like being pushed

similarity number two

had to keep going because i like counting too much

similarity number three
which is where we began to separate

you counted down the next moment you got to snap over nothing
waiting for that excuse

i counted how many times i laughed at myself after our encounters
how many times i smiled after the long days
after the fear
the adrenaline rushes
after you never backed down from your threats
and i never showed you how scared i was

i was feeling it
but i would never tell you that

April 27, 2015 / austreberto

steel toed heart (day twenty seven)

steel toed heart

now
these boots
they weren’t meant for walkin’

they were meant to kick down these doors and walls that were makin’ us feel claustrophobic
until we could say
look at all this openness we’ve created
big enough to spread our arms as wide as possible
and then a little bit more

wide enough to embrace the oceans and mountains we’ve wanted to see
but just out of reach of the love we wanted to have
no matter how hard we tried

small enough to hold onto ourselves
coming back home
remembering that it started and ended with us

but your story was one i hoped would never end

left your pages untouched
changed the end to to be continued
see you soon
but not soon enough

April 26, 2015 / austreberto

the tale of the ever elusive first job (day twenty six)

the tale of the ever elusive first job

you have prepared nearly your entire life for this moment
fine tuning your arsenal
at the ready

in one hand
your resume
that recently completed it 321st revision after finding a typo that seemed to have eluded you until now

in the other
your references
that needed an updating after half of them replied who when they were contacted

3 am
five cups of coffee deep
with eyes that won’t quit
you find fresh tracks
stillness is in the air
it’s nearby

furiously clicking away
uploading and submitting your application
you give off its calls to try to entice it to accept you

EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION
WELL ORGANIZED
CRITICAL THINKING SKILLS
PATIENT
where the HELL is this job
(okay
still working on that last one)

day 463 and still no luck

so you fine tune everything yet again because there is always something wrong with you
scattering resumes in every direction
in every place that can fit
rapid fire
left right
here and way over there
overseas and down the road

desperately calling out
HARD WORKER
DETERMINED
SOMETHING PICK ME
SOMEONE PLEASE PICK ME
just give me a chance

day 464
465
489
523
642
giving up
this was the moment you could never prepare for

you’re inexperienced
need more experience
not good enough
never good enough
you can’t be good enough

you’ve heard this enough
that you started believing in it

day 643
you heard the distant call of what you’ve been waiting for
couldn’t believe your eyes

what a beaut

you brushed off the dust that had gathered
laid your resumes nearby
handpicked the best references
and you laid in waiting for that perfect opportunity to come by

April 25, 2015 / austreberto

brothers, lend me your whiskers (day twenty five)

brothers, lend me your whiskers

men
let us drop our razors and shaving cream canisters
our electric trimmers and scissors
let us boycott gillette
remington
and bic
that slaughter billions of innocent hair follicles
from wisdom filled greys to young stubble

picket signs in hand that read
fear the beard
beard lives matter
let it grow

yes let it grow
let it grow

no shave november
manliness cannot be contained to a single month
more like no shave all year round

no shave november
decembeard
janubeardy
and so on

though we wearers of the face huggers
built in scarves
doormats
catchers of food
and even peach fuzz bearers
we do possess the fountain of youth in our bathrooms
just give us a bit
and we’ll emerge younger
face of a teenager
baby faced
riddled with bits of bloodied toilet paper from dancing too close to that razor’s edge

and we will always feel so exposed
naked
self conscious

feels like everyone is staring
do i have something on my face
NO I DO NOT
THAT’S THE PROBLEM

i get separation anxiety on the days i try to part with the extension of myself
blade in hand
water running
feels like i’m killing a part of myself
social suicide

DO I SHAVE
ANSWER ME ALMIGHTY ZEUS WITH THAT SWEET SWEET BEARD OF YOURS

and that’s when i am answered by sarah mclachlan
with that song that goes
in the arms of an angel
and she says
for less than the price of a cup of coffee per day
you can save beards like this from being shaved and tossed aside in wastebaskets and bathroom drains

they’re scared and want to stay home

so please
think of the beards

WON’T SOMEONE THINK OF THE BEARDS

y’all
the last time we had a president with any sort of facial hair was william howard taft back in 1913

let us bring back the goatee
the muttonchops
fu manchu
pancho villa
chin curtain
chinstrap
handlebar
and 5 o’clock shadows on all hours of the day

brothers
call upon the lumberjack from within to lay down their axes
to come back in style
so we can make this look good again

April 24, 2015 / austreberto

inquisitive (day twenty four)

i fell in love with the curves of her question marks
how they fit perfectly with the concave sections of my bones
me made feel whole again
and she always asked the right ones

the kind of questions that questioned what I questioned

the kind they would normally keep me up at night
but i felt comfort in knowing that she held my bones just right

kept me safe
and i slept with comfort while i stayed in bed that sat on the earth that spun hundreds of miles an hour that simultaneously rotated around the sun that traversed through the universe that is probably being swallowed by a black hole but not before the sun exploded

yes
i slept just fine