i hate the slogan from kay jewelers (day twenty-four)

i hate the slogan from kay jewelers

 

dear kay jewelers

 

while you are correct with your spelling that every kiss does

in fact

begin with the letter K

 

you are unaware that this may be truer for some than others

 

fall 2001

last dance of homecoming

 

awkward was in season

and i wore it well

 

at fifteen

i received my first kiss

from a girl

named kay

 

i am reminded of this

every time i hear your little diddy

 

every kiss begins with kay

because it actually did

for me

 

it’s not a friendly reminder

because it was less of a kiss

and more of a clash of two orifices

of epic proportions

 

it was much like a stubborn child trying to fit a square wooden block through a circle

 

it just didn’t work

 

her lips

had no softness to them

(but i think that said more about me

than it did about her

because i had no clue what i was doing)

 

it was so bad that i was afraid that i was going to hate kissing for the rest of my life

 

how pleasantly surprised i was when i found out how wrong i was

(i should be wrong more often

if that was the outcome)

 

so thank you kay jewelers

for the mini trips through memory lane every time a commercial of yours plays

 

but please

change your slogan

 

i know it’s clever

and you’re probably very proud of it

 

but it’s more of a coincidence that kay and the letter K are the same sound

 

it’s time for a new look

especially since you’ve been playing the same thing since around the time i got my first kiss

 

i’d like to think that i influenced you somehow

 

sincerely

the formerly awkward fifteen year old

 

ps

your open hearts collection by jane seymour is butt ugly

stop making them