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July 30, 2013 / austreberto

There are no webs here (of lies or otherwise)

There are no webs here (of lies or otherwise)

“To pretend a former loved one does not exist is regrettable and evil, especially when it is impossible to remove the love from one’s heart, or to box those feelings and memories into one valve or artery.”

-Mike McGee

I don’t think anyone wants to believe that they are a bad person, right?  We all want to believe we bring good into the world and take little from it.  Human decency.  At least I believe that is the ultimate intention in every life.  We all have the potential for this greatness.

We are capable of making decisions for ourselves.  When things get bad, we will take the necessary steps to change that.  It is only natural.  This may or may not harm others in the process, but I don’t think many take pleasure in intentionally hurting other people.  We want the best for ourselves, but we don’t want it at the expense of another person’s happiness.

Catch 22.

this is a segue

100% of the relationships that I have ever been in have ended.  It’s a sad reality to look at it that way, but it’s the truth.  If you are reading this, it applies to you unless you have never dated or are still dating the first person you ever dated (if so, congratulations (or, I’m sorry if you feel trapped)).  It’s the truth until one doesn’t end if you’re into that whole “happily ever after” kind of thing.  I am.  It has been the end goal of mine for awhile now that I have become more conscious about my future and goals: meet a nice girl, get married, have a family, etc.  Every relationship that I have gotten into over the last few years has had that mindset, that potential to grow into that special something, because I have realized more and more that it is something that I want in the long run.

With my 100% failure rate in dating (ouch…), I’ve been on both ends of the spectrum: the dumped and the dumper (and a middle category that I’ll call “What the hell just happened…”).  Frankly, both suck.  They flat out suck big time.  They both take strength to carry out and to endure and both have their backlashes.  Granted, this will vary from situation to situation.  It’s been easier at times.  Others, not so much.

I say this because I recently made a decision to end something that could have been everything.  I could have had everything that I ever wanted, but I learned that I didn’t want it with her.

i’m sorry that you were caught in the after-splash of my change

The thing is, I didn’t want to do it.  I didn’t walk into this relationship thinking:  You know what.  I’m going to break your heart in a year and make you believe everything up to this point was a lie.  I don’t think anyone does that when they start something so potentially serious.

“Don’t tell me you actually believe you’re still a good person.  Not after this.”

-7/23/13

You know.

Yes.

I do.

Especially after this.

I’ve made my fair share of mistakes.  I’ll be the first to admit that, but I know that it would have been a far griever error to not do anything about it.

I followed my heart.

evil does not and cannot dwell in a heart like mine

 

Leaving was the hardest part.  It’s made me realize that all the times that I was a third party, an outside opinion, and how easy it was for me to say: “You need to break up.  You need to get out of this relationship because you’re miserable.”  And then they wouldn’t do a damn thing.  They felt stuck because they felt like they didn’t know what to say.

I almost caught myself in that exact situation.

“Just throw the fucking ball, man!”

-The Dude and The Zen Master

Act.

Let it happen naturally.

Don’t think too much, otherwise you’ll never do anything about it.

I had already spent too much time worrying about what would happen.

I had to act.

It was hard as all get out.  It hurt both of us.  Probably her more so than me.

But

“Hearts don’t break ya’ll.  They bruise and get better.”

-Buddy Wakefield

Time will allow us to meet people who are 100% for us.  When that happens, whenever it will happen, it will be amazing.  In the meantime, just keep on living.

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