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March 15, 2014 / austreberto

transitions

I’ve been in transitions for a long time now.  For probably as long as I can remember, and I know that this will continue for a very long time.  Each year I have something to work towards.  Two years ago it was trying to get a teaching job.  One year ago it was a masters degree.  Today it is find a good career.

So far, I’d say that I have done a pretty good job.  I work, ask for help when needed, and I succeed.  A problem that I am trying to deal with is my anxiety with failures.  I know that I simply need to look back at what I’ve done, feel proud, and continue moving forward.

This last December I graduated with my masters.  It is a really huge accomplishment in my short life thus far.  A milestone.  I went through my bits of picking at it, deconstructing the success: Oh, it wasn’t that hard.  Lots of people do it. Blah, blah, blah.  I do this a lot, and it has been the center of a lot of mental inadequacies that I’ve created for myself.  The problem is that I’ve gotten really good at it.  A little too good, but it is something that I am aware of and am working on correcting.

Last week I got a job, full time.  That’s a success.  Money is a good thing, right?

Oh, they were desperate for staff.  They would have taken anyone.

I started to pick at the mental scab that I created ages ago.

I probably won’t be very good at the job.

It’s common to be afraid of things that are happening in your life.  I think fear is a natural occurrence in human nature.  Well, it’s animalistic.

And rightfully so that I am afraid because the job is a difficult one.  It’s not meant for everyone, and I know that if they didn’t think I was right for the job they would not have hired me in the first place and invest time and money in training me.

The hours will be rough (some overnight shifts), possibly be the target of verbal and physical assaults, and might have to break up fights.  Though it’s really easy to make it sound like a big deal before I actually experience it.  One of my previous jobs seemed impossible, but I did it for nearly three years.

This is a transition in my life, yet again.

I am still looking for work.  Looking for work while I work.  This is an improvement versus how my life was nine days ago.  I will plan and adjust, gain experience, and move forward.  The more I think about it, the better I feel.  Which is a big difference with how I used to be: the more I think about it, the worse I get.  Attitude.

I think it’s important to have the right attitude.  You can apply that with anything in your life.

I’ve seen some people go through the hardest things I can ever imagine with such grace and character.  Unfortunately I have also seen some people complain over the littlest things.

Perspective.

Grains of sand are the largest mountains when you look close enough.  They are also heavy when you don’t put any effort in moving them.

 

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